Many things don’t occur to us until we’re the ones who are expecting a child. By that time it’s too late to un-tread on the toes of our friends who had kids before us. And it often leaves us cringing. Let’s face it, we have very little idea about how to support a first-time mom in this day and age.

What to Expect When She’s Expecting

During my pregnancy everything felt like it went whole new level. Negative Nancy’s constant complaining that used to bug me just a little was now unbearable. The request from my husband to do something that required me to actually focus? Insensitive. The comments and opinions from family? Intolerable. I was having just a helluva time with my emotions.

It was not at all that beautiful 9 months of “creating life” that is often portrayed to us.

I did so much self-reflection during that period. Was I being unreasonable and hypersensitive? Or was it all hormones? Was this PRE-natal depression? And honestly, a year post-delivery I realised that I wasn’t being unreasonable, and shifting hormones weren’t 100% to blame.

Mentally and emotionally, pregnancy put me through the wringer. I resented this, making it particularly difficult during the first year after my daughter was born. Thinking about the unsolicited advice from people during my pregnancy, made me anxious because at least when I was pregnant, we were talking about my body, and I could decide what I was actually going to do. But with my baby now a completely separate being, there would be so many people who felt they had a “stake” in decisions regarding her. There would be people who would want to hold her, kiss her face because they referred to their cold sores as “just a fever blister” instead of what they actually are – a contagious virus. And there would be those who wanted to give me further advice on how I should be raising her. This gave me panic attacks.

I started taking my daughter to playgroups when she was about one. After speaking with other moms I realised just how many women had similar experiences.

And I thought, “why do people rarely speak about this part of pregnancy and motherhood? We always hear of roses and sunshine or postpartum depression. There is no in-between. It’s no wonder a lot people around us don’t know how to support a first time mom, even though they sincerely want to help.”

So I started to write a ‘pregnancy guide’ for them. For the husbands, mothers, in-laws, siblings, friends, of a first time mom who all care and want to help.

What to Expect When She’s Expecting was written to help first-time moms by speaking directly to those in her orbit. It does the dirty work and aims to give an insight into pregnancy and the first year of motherhood so that she can avoid having those awkward conversations.

Honest Advice for Supporting the First Time Mom In Your Life

Available on Amazon, my hope is that it helps to make pregnancy and being a new mom a better experience for women everywhere.

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