When I was pregnant for the first time, there were things that I wasn’t prepared for, and neither was my husband. I’ve always been quite fit, making exercise a regular part of my life, eating well and being generally quite athletic by nature. I’m also a very alpha type of woman. Meaning that I hate whinging, complaining, and I’m more about just getting things done – usually my way 🙊 . So naturally, I thought pregnancy would be a breeze. I was in for a rude awakening. Here are things I wish I had known before and during my first pregnancy.

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1. Morning sickness is no joke.

Your female friends who had babies before you were not being soft. Morning sickness can be very real and very debilitating. Try to just keep in mind that you’re literally creating life. You’re not being lazy by being in bed all day. You’re still being super productive. It can be so tough but don’t despair. It won’t last forever. Download a pregnancy app (here’s my fav) to see how your baby is growing each week. That’s usually quite uplifting.

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2. Learn to advocate for yourself during your first pregnancy.

Learn to do this, and learn to set firm boundaries. A first time pregnancy is, for many people, an open invitation to start hurling opinions and advice at the newly expectant mother. Some people can be very insistent with their views. All other factors are suddenly forgotten. You’re a capable human being with a functioning brain, capable of coming to a conclusion for your own body or unborn child – for example.

Learning to advocate for yourself and set firm boundaries during your first pregnancy can be as much as learning how to be comfortable with simply saying “no”. Notice how that’s “no” without further explanation. Your pregnancy, your decision. You can give a copy of What to Expect When She’s Expecting to those around you who don’t quite understand what it’s like to be pregnant.

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3. Coffee culture is not doing anyone any favours – especially during pregnancy and as a breastfeeding mom.

I’m a huge coffee drinker. I cannot live without it. I associate it with relaxing, working, cake and waking up. It’s just about my everything. Well that made being pregnant for the first time extra fucking difficult. During pregnancy and breastfeeding, ideally you’re not supposed to touch the stuff. So… I would just say that before pregnancy, find a way to substitute that out of your system because decaf just doesn’t cut if if you have a coffee addiction.

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4. Prenatal Vitamins, just take them.

These made me want to gag while I was in my first trimester. Yet apparently that’s the period when it’s most important to be taking these suckers. Modern science has shown that folic acid is very important to a growing foetus. So if you can’t stomach the vitamins, at least get a folic acid supplement with the recommended 400mcg (microgram) dosage.

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5. Teach people how to help you during your first pregnancy.

It’s not always easy to be around a person who is going through a first time pregnancy. As the pregnant woman, think about it. Are people who are grinding your gears doing it intentionally, or do they simply not know how to help you?

Oftentimes these people want to help. They just don’t know how. So what they’re doing may be having the opposite effect to what they’ve intended. Teach people how to help you. Ask them specifically for help with certain things. Knowing how to ask and accept help is a huge step to not only growth but building trust.

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6. Trust your instincts regarding your pregnancy.

When I was pregnant at 6 weeks, I had terrible morning sickness and thing started to get a bit scary when I started having stomach pains. We went to the hospital where the doctor did a few exams and told us that we had lost the baby. I didn’t think it was possible, but I overrode my feelings and tried to accept that this was the case. The nurse gave me an ibuprofen injection and told to take aspirin for the stomach pains (you’re not supposed to take anything but paracetamol when pregnant). I don’t know why but something told me there must have been an error. I didn’t take the aspirin. Turns out I hadn’t miscarried. My daughter is alive and well today. Trust yourself and get a second opinion.

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7. Don’t share too much if you don’t want opinions.

During pregnancy (even a first time pregnancy), and after your baby is born, you don’t owe information about you or your baby’s developments to anybody. Even to fill in an awkward silence. If you don’t care for the opinion of others, don’t share. This might sound like very blunt advice. But it’s a good tip.

Give a non-informative response and redirect the conversation. Or just redirect to a different topic. The more you share, the more agency the people with whom you’re sharing with will feel they have to your pregnancy or your child.

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8. Find a doula/midwife/mothers group.

There are some times when your husband might be the only rock you’ll need, but a supportive doula, midwife or mothers group can be invaluable. Especially for a first time pregnancy. Husbands are great, but they usually don’t know what’s going on with our bodies, hormones and all that. A great midwife or doula and help make your experience so much less stressful and actually quite exciting.

After birth of your baby, mothers going through the same thing, or who have recently gone through what you’re now going through can usually offer advice from a less judgy perspective. Find a good group where you feel safe to share.

If you’re pregnant for the first time and finding it difficult to express how you want people to help you, check out my book, available on Amazon. What to Expect When She’s Expecting was written for partners, family and those surrounding a first-time pregnant woman, the “support network,” if you will. The book gives an insight to what being pregnant or a new mother might be like which many people often don’t consider (I was one of those people prior to having my own child), or don’t remember.